I realise that I may enjoy the act of writing down my waffle but like most things in life it takes a back seat to other things that I enjoy, like eating, sleeping and watching old episodes of 24. Jack Bauer is my hero. He is macho, tough, wouldn't think twice about killing someone who threatens the lives of the innocent inhabitants of the major cities of the US of A. I bought Monsieur Haynes (the boyf) a keyring that when you press each button says a classic Bauer line, like "Dammit"!!, "Mr President, it's been an honor" and "Let's get something straight kid, the only reason your still conscious, is I don't want to carry you" after kidnapping the teenage son of his girlfriend while on the trail of terrorists about to expose LAX to nerve gas. It's thrilling stuff, I get embarrassingly excited when he's close to capturing the baddie but at the last minute (normally) some annoying woman gets in the way. Hence, why I have been off the blogging radar for the past week, after ingesting a whole 24 hours worth of season 5!! I loved it!
Last week I partook of my first session at the Wellingborough Theatre Group. Rosie, Charlie, George and Alistair, all took me into the fold and within less than 10 minutes I was improvising chugging jaegermeister from a traffic cone at a zoo adoption conference. Random, pointless, not very well acted I must say but it was hilarious. If nothing else, I may not be the best amateur actress in Northants. but I will have a good time. For 2 hours, I literally went from one scenario to another pretending to be a war memorial statue, arm raised aloft to the sky in victory, holding a bright pink feather duster, looking glorious. Or as a spy walking her dog being given orders from someone in a bush, to direct an attack on Father Christmas at the North Pole. For someone who generally thinks of a load of rubbish in her head all the time (the other day I started thinking about getting a shoe rack for the cupboard under the stairs while talking to Haynes about dinner), this is perfect. I get to act out the weirdness in my head. To be honest as it was the first time meeting these people and because I didn't know what to expect from a workshop session at an amateur dramatics meeting, I held back a little. I think at one time I shouted out "our elephant has a bigger willy than yours", this was a slip up but I think exposed what level I generally think on. Puerile and childish. It was a great session though and I look forward to going back next Tuesday, if they will have me. The group is compact and bijoux but I am assured there are more members that weren't there and that the group was only set up in December and really is in early stages. I'm quite glad to be part of a new group, I may be able to help develop it into the best theatrical group in the region, nay the country one day. I have already been offered a part in a gala performance of a short play. I think it's of a woman who thinks that life is a musical, which is perfect for me. I can bust out my inner musical theatre luvvie and warble my way through it. I can do a mean "The Heat is on in Saigon" from Miss Saigon. I have been told I sound exactly like a cross between Maurice Gibb and James Blunt. Dare I say that this may be my avenue to meeting some people in Wellingborough?! They are young (younger than me I guess) but they are funny and I reckon will be up for a bevvie or two every now and then. Essentially my criteria is basic. 1) Funny 2) Enjoys a drink. I will keep you posted of the next sesh with the group, I think there's some photos going around from it. Which I may or may not share based on how good my fringe looks in them.
Talking of puerile and childish. While I was left with the children at the petrol station the other day I took my chance to talk toilet humour with the kids. "The other day I did a pop that smelt exactly like chili con carne kids!!!!" this was met with fits of giggles, they then shared poo stories, you know, turds in the shape of a teddy bear, ones that disappear before they get a look of them. A bond that will never be broken was made because of our 5 minutes of stupid potty talk. See how puerile and childish I am?! Do parents ever do things like that? Revert back to being a child with their children every now and then and really go to town on the silly poo stories?!! Or do you always remain the parent and the childishness only really extends to bragging when you win at Pictionary? Not being a parent I have no idea. I know that Haynes wouldn't dream of talking about a comedy turd with the kids, where as I can't help myself. I don't think I will ever grow up. Polly Pan, I hope I never grow up.
Anyway, better get on. Got a deadline on some riveting work around risk assessments for shops. My job is sooooooo thrilling, unlike Jack Bauer who can thrill me any time the security of the United States is threatened.
Ttfn xxxx
P.s. I spoke to a girl in my aerobics class last Thursday. She was making a "Rolly" before leaving (I suppose that's why she goes aerobics, to compensate for the life she's just lost by sucking on one of those). She said that she had noticed me in class before (I do exist!!! and did she notice me because she likes the ladies and I blow her hair back in my tight black Lycra and back sweats?) and I'm really good (yep she's been checking my arse out!) and that I should come and do step class before aerobics on a Thursday like she does, so that I get a really good work out...now if that's not someone who wants to see my bobbing up and down on a step for an hour before watching me bob up and down doing jumping jacks I don't know what is! Reckon I've pulled there. The fact that she looks like someone from Prisoner Cell Block H/Bad Girls, doesn't deter me. I can rock that look. And I am not shallow enough to base friendships on appearance, hell I have gone through life looking like a chubby child for the past 33 years. However as soon as she starts calling me "slag" and the aerobics teacher a "screw" I may have to revise my statement. Ta ta x
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