Karaoke Karen and Pauline the Taxi Driver

It seems, that by some weird fluke of nature, that I have stepped into a freak show. 

I understood prior to moving to Wellingborough what I was getting myself into.  After a year of every other weekend here while Haynesy was living a bachelors existence, I got to sample the dizzy heights of the Swansgate shopping centre, ASDA and Swanwick Lakes.  Upon arrival I have come to see that life here can only be described as one slim level down from what is played out on the Chatsworth Estate in Shameless.  Frank Gallagher is played by the drunk that sits on the steps in the main square outside McDonalds.  McDonalds itself is a veritable playboy mansion of young girls who I am sure would have been lovely slim gobby characters if they hadn't let themselves slip into the world of the overweight, gobby, single motherdom cliche that you don't have to watch Jeremy Kyle to see.  Mimi and her venomous words, gold ringed fingers and Lambert and Butler hanging off her top lip can be seen sitting in BB's Coffee and Muffins in the middle of the Swansgate shopping centre, holding court with the other hard women, that have lived hard lives and sit there with their tartan shopping trolleys, smelling of fish. 

At Book Club on Saturday night I was introduced to Karaoke Karen and Pauline the taxi driver. Not in the literal sense, just anecdotal. I have yet to personally witness them but apparently they are famous in Welly. These two people should be in Shameless. One is a mad big red haired woman with red lipstick drawn up to her nose and right down onto her chin. She lugs a karaoke machine around on a trolley and is given to busting out a rendition of I Will Survive in the town centre. The other, Pauline, is a taxi driver who generally can be found at Wellingborough train station. You'll know her as soon as you see her amongst the other taxi drivers. Not because she is the only woman. No. Because she is the only male taxi driver wearing a dress, wig and full poorly applied make up. Pauline is a transsexual. She is a big burly deep voiced woman. I reckon if she picked up a group of pissed up blokes on a Saturday night they wouldn't dare give her any trouble. She may wear a dress and blue eyeshadow but don't fuck with her, she'll do yer!

So why move here then?  Yes the centre itself is pretty shit but outside the town it very quickly turns to green fields, farms and winding lanes.  Northamptonshire is really quite pretty.  The villages are small and picturesque and upon closer inspection you can find a nice pub or two.  One of my favourite past times is walking around the many country parks and reservoirs that are literally five minutes drive.  Perfect rabbit walking country, that is it would be if it wasn't for the fact that everyone owns a dog and I don't think little Cocobun would stand a chance against the dirty great big mastiff that I see being walked around Pitsford reservoir.  That dog has the biggest nuts I have ever seen, human and canine included.  Poor Coco's balls are like a couple of peanut M&Ms, this dog has bollocks the size of a couple of ripe granny smith apples. Anyway I digress.  I moved here because for all it's culture and people and many interesting things, there is no peace in London.  You can't stand outside and hear birds like I can right now.  You might see a manky pigeon with a club foot and mange but you wouldn't hear the birds.  You wouldn't get silence outside your front door at 9pm.  You certainly wouldn't get the space you get here and you most definitely don't get fields of grazing sheep.  There is a small stream that runs down the end of my road straight into the middle of town.  Along this stream on one inaccessible side you can see wild bunnies.  Little brown haired, perky eared bunnies.  This is in a town centre.  How the hell did the rabbits arrive there?!  I wish I could bring some London people up here to live with me and the bunnies and we could start a new cool scene of provincial culture.  I need to convince some cool young artists that the East Midlands is totally happening now and to set up a gallery here and get a bit of an arts scene going.  Maybe I'll make that my next venture.  Bunnies in Art.  Or I could go into more of a hospitality role and get a bar scene going that doubles as an art space.  Humm, someones already got to be thinking about this.  Might need to do some research.  I can't afford to give up on the fact that there has to be some culture in this town.

My attempts to find people via traditional routes e.g. the gym or social clubs is proving fruitless.  Even the people at my Book Club agree that unless you have children that meeting people in Wellingborough is nigh on impossible.  (They all have children and therefore can't commit to extracurricular activities as easily as me) So what's my choice?  Create something to attract those like me that may be out there, or just simply crack out a kid?  The second option isn't ringing my bell at the moment.  Some woman are made to be mothers, I'm made to please myself and swear.

Nope I am going to have to create something.  Any ideas on what that might be, let me know.  In the mean time I am going to carry on attempting to talk to people in the gym, which I do quite frequently now, I just need to develop it a bit to actual long getting to know people chats.  And I am going to continue my foray into the dramatic arts (tomorrow I continue my amateur dramatics investigations after last weeks workshop cancellation)

Right I'm off to find Pauline and see if I can't get her advice, at the very least I might get a single gals view on things. 

 Ttfn xxxxx