Yes I apologise, work, social commitments and the gym have prevented me the time to sit down and write. I literally haven't had 2 minutes to scratch my bum these last few days.
In order to cover off my activities since last week, I think I might have to employ a tactic that I use at work. A good ol bullet point list! Here is the run down of (not very exciting) activities:
Weds - Body Combat - Dilly and her Down. My Body Combat teacher is called Dilly. She's scary and she has zero body hair. The woman is a lesbian of the butch, fit, almost Germanic variety and I think she is the nuts. Literally she is the mutts nuts, probably cos she's growing a pair in her cycle shorts. Whats her proper name if her nickname is Dilly?!! Dyllis? Dilbert? Ding Dong Dangler?
Thurs - Aerobics - Let's get physical in legwarmers. No conversations to be had with other humans....again
Fri - Dinner with friend in London - Over Byron burgers and red wine we discussed the fact that a) people are delusional. Yes you are kidding yourself about that bloke b) some people are total snobs and can't accept those of us who purchase our food from Tesco and wear New Look c) that we can no longer take our drink like we used to and realise that we some times lose whole chunks of time when we may or may not have been sick on the night bus back to Highbury
Sat - Pilates and cinema with Haynesy - Pilates in the morning, followed by some Tesco action to undo the good feelings gained by my pilates. Battleship at Vue Northampton with my boy, to watch America save the world again from aliens. Rhianna does float the boat though, that girl is number 3 on my girl crush list, only out done by Eva Mendes and Selma Hayek (Latinos obviously my thang)
Sun - Lunch with Haynesy' friends - Sunday lunch of steak and home made red wine. The home made wine was actually highly alcoholic and drinkable and if it wasn't for the fact that they only brought out the one bottle (hellooooo stingy!) I would have got pissed
Mon - Scrotum cream discussion at hairdressers - Yes you read that right. To follow..
So you can see that I have been busy. Wednesdays Body Combat was a good laugh and some laughing and high fiving was done with other people at the end of each excruciating combination, followed by some people with a "herrrrrrrr" when they did this bodyslam type move. I didn't vocalise my energy with each move like some, I prefer to do my best under the radar i.e. not get my leg up very high at all but still feel pleased that I did it time with the music and didn't fall over. If you haven't done Body Combat before, let me explain. It's high impact, quick combinations of combat moves like jabs, upper cuts, side kicks and roundhouses, all strung together with jumping side to side on the spot as if your Ricky Hatton. Each combination lasts a song and at the end of each song you have literally 20 seconds to down as much water as you can squeeze out your bottle. At the end of the last combination, my body was the Gobi Desert on the inside, because on the outside I was Niagra Falls, sweat was dripping from me in a most unattractive yet satisfying way. My lungs were screaming for air and my throat felt like it had been cut. I have never wanted liquid refreshment so much, I trotted over to the side to have a drink only to realise my bottle was dry and not a drop could be mustered from it. Drats. Well my throat would have to wait until I got the water fountain in the changing room. I lined up to put my mat back. There was a nice lady behind me and I was smiling at her, about to launch into a nice "how hard was that?" type conversation when I realised that my throat was so dry that not only could I not speak, but my lips had stuck themselves above my teeth like a grinning chimp. I tried to lick my lips but there was nothing moist going on in my mouth at all. I literally had to peel my top lip away from my front teeth and put it back where it should be. The nice lady although visibly repulsed by my lip peeling exercise, smiled and said "wow that was a tough one"..."erch, erchhhhh, erch" This was my response. Trying to respond but only coughing attempting to bring moisture back....."erch yesss" I had to whisper it. What a knob. It seems that every time I go to the bloody gym, I either say the wrong thing, say something too boring or I actually repulse people.
I'm drawing a line under meeting people in the gym. I've had this discussion with other women lately and we have come to the conclusion that generally you want to be left alone to suffer in peace when in the gym. Also agreed is that woman of a younger generation aren't very forthcoming and can be quite insular. Older ladies will start talking to anyone but younger woman aren't there yet. They need years of not being listened to at home by their husband to develop that skill of talking to anyone that will listen. My mother can do it really well. My older sister is getting there. Nope I'm not going to court attention in the gym anymore but should someone talkative and lively and inclusive come along to aerobics I will then seize my chance.
I have made a new acquaintance. Granted so far it has only been googlemail and telephone based chat but I have none the less made a contact in Wellingborough, my age and we are meeting next week. Sounds like I have resorted to chat room friend forums doesn't it? Well I haven't yet (I may have to if this doesn't work out). My new acquaintance is called Rosie and she is the chairwoman of the Wellingborough Theatre Group. Yes dear friends I am joining an amateur dramatics society. Next Tuesday I will be attending their weekly workshop at the Hind Hotel for "Improv Night". I wanted to attend one before committing to this group completely, as lets face it, it could be painful if I have to duck out in my first week because I have been made to perform some interpretive dance piece symbolising the growth of a seedling to a room of people I have never met before in my life. Next Tuesday I will be meeting my new acquaintance at the hotel and she will introduce me to the group. Then on Thursday they meet in the pub. More pub less improv I say. I reckon I could be natural. Or I could be made to improvise and then completely draw a blank, say something totally unrelated to what I am supposed to be improvising and look a complete knob. We'll see.
At the moment I thinking of breaking up my "Project - Welly Mate" into smaller goals. 1st goal - to hold a conversation with a Welly Dweller that I haven't met before. 2nd - to make a friend at this Am Dram group and go for a coffee. 3rd - To hold a soiree at my house for friends and invite my new Welly mate. 4th - Go for a proper night out in Welly (is there such a thing?!) with my new mate, get pissed, talk to more Welly people and makes loads of mates and eat kebab together. I think small achievable goals may be less disheartening if they don't work out.
Let it be said across the land that Polly Hibbins doesn't give up! Come hell or high water, I will succeed in my mission. Amen.
Ttfn xx
P.s. Scrotum Cream at Hairdressers. I was sitting in the chair at the hairdressers this lunchtime, waiting for my stylist to get a freshly sanitised comb when the old lady next to me leaned over and said "you know what that doctor gave me don't you?"...."err no, what did he give you? (A prescription perchance old hag)"..."he gave me cream for down there" (she nods towards her lap)....this obviously repulses me "oh, that's unfortunate"..."down there for men's bits, it was. The doctor gave me cream for scrotum's. It made my face come out all read and flaky"...."Why on earth were you putting cream for scrotum's on your face?"....."Well exactly that's what I want to know dear. I don't trust that doctor. The cream says on the tube that it's for topical treatment including skin problems of the scrotum" "Maybe he thinks your face looks like a pair of hanging glands?"...."Maybe dear"